Okay, here comes a little something from me that I need to say. This whole thing, pushing the novel, by now I can tell that it doesn’t make that much sense to me after all. Because sitting down almost every time since we started it I have no idea what I want to write about. So every time it’s an improvisation, a frist draft of something I have given no thought to until the very moment I started writing. And yes, that IS a bad thing, at least it is for me. I’m not writing like that usually. I have to work through a scene in my mind many times again and again before I write it down. Sometimes I think of a scene for months before I write it, and when I do, it’ll be perfect. What I’m writing these days is what first comes to my mind, which isn’t really great stuff. It’s a first thought. And I need to refine that thought before I write it down. I have no time every day to give the scenes enogh thought, if I’m working all day and only have 2 hours for myself in the evening. So whatever I write needs a LOT of honing, and I would usually have done that honing in my mind already. So yeah, I pretty much can’t use what I write now. First drafts of something I can do better and don’t even like. It makes no sense for me to push the word count, when I’ll have to rewrite every single scene at some later point. I’m doing myself a disfavour by pushing things that should never be pushed. THis I have learned long ago: all in good time. The text needs to ripen like a fruit before it gets written, and I haven’t let my texts ripen enough. I have great instincts about my writing, but by pushing the word count – I never even count the words when I write, yet lately this is all I seem to care about and that’s deadly for my creativity – I’m betraying my instincts.
Now, I’ve never been counting words, I was counting chapters. And if I write about 30 chapters, then ONE chapter in 3-4 days is more than enough. By the 9th day of this I just realise I can’t afford doing this anymore. I can’t keep writing like this, or I’ll risk writing shit. ANd wjhat does the word count mean when the words are bad? Quantity is NOTHING without quality and I’m missing the quality. Afte all there is a VERY good reason why I don’t bother writing after 11 hous at work, being deadly tired and having thought of other things all day. A dead brain does not produce anything good, that’s just a fact. And that’s how I’ve been writing this whole last week.
I’m not officially quitting the NPI yet. Not today anyway. I’m gonna open a file and try writing right now, but I may soon, if I realise it doesn’t go so well after all. No, really, I don’t need any more discipline than I have – I’ve got enough discipline to command a whole army. I don’t need more motivation than I already have – I’ve never been more motivated about anything in my life than I am about writing. But I do need to be doing my thing in my own time. Timing is everything, I have learned it very well in the years that I’m writing. And I need to go with my instincts.
I know, I was enthusiastic about joining in. It’s just that two years ago I did almost the same for myself: in about two months I’ve written 2/3 of my first book by getting up early and writing from 8am till noon every single day. It worked out fine and I was content, but apparently I’ve had more time before I started writing to work on the text in my mind, so that what I was putting on the pages was pretty much a finished text. Not like this time. I thought that it would work out for me again, but it apparently doesn’t. And yes, when I AM ready to write, I write a lot. 4-6 pages a day is normal. Count yourself how many words that is. But writing only comes easy to me when I’m ready, and these days I’m not ready. So guys, sorry if I’ll have to quit some time in the near future and I REALLY hope my decision won’t discourage you. Each to their own, we all know that. I’m not quitting yet, I’ll try to write now. So see you later.
EDIT: Okay, wrote a little after all. 459 words today, total score 8232
RG Sanders said,
March 9, 2009 at 9:32 pm
As you said, each to their own. I understand what you’re talking about completely – I took part in NaNo, but soon realised that cramming wasn’t doing me any good, so I stopped and decided to give myself a break from the forced-writing.
I think for me, I need to write everyday and even if it’s nothing, it’s something. Fortunately I have a good idea of where my story is going, so in sitting down each day, I can realise this vision and produce it. I have already done the thinking that you speak of, and although it will always need revising again and again, at least I am mapping the foundation of what I know I want to write.
Good luck with everything.
packsister said,
March 9, 2009 at 9:55 pm
I know that doing such a word count push will be useful for me in a few months’ time, when I actually have given the story enough thought. Maybe we’ll all do it again in summer, who knows? But anyways, I’m not quitting just yet. Did write a little today after all.
Thanks for your support anyway. It is wonderful to realise someone out there understands. I don’t know other writers in my real life, so I’ve always been kind of a loner and don’t know if the way I feel is the way others feel as well.
RG Sanders said,
March 10, 2009 at 2:04 am
The thing I have discovered, is that I got sick and tired of the ‘way of the writer’ as defined by a group of other writers and their personal views on writing, drawn from their own experiences.
No two people are the same, and as such no two writers are the same. If they were (including those who write in a certain ‘style’ on purpose) simply find themselves in the territory of the unoriginal – if a writer is in it for money alone, fine. But for anyone else, those who love to write, do it your way; each to their own.
I respect that in a writer; to do it as they feel natural doing it. So long as it doesn’t inflict on another’s, how could that possible be a bad thing?
packsister said,
March 10, 2009 at 3:25 am
Hm, I haven’t had enough experience with other writers to feel restricted by their rules. I made up every single rule of being a writer for myself and by myself. That’s why it’s interesting to me to find out how others work, because as you say, no two writers are the same. Like I always have a soundtrack for a scene and always listen to music when I write. Others would never do that.
All in all I don’t care what other people think what a way of a writer should be. EVen less to I care about other writers’ disapproval or somehting. I mean, I don’t have to start smoking and drinking coffee just because people say writers do both and no respectable writer can live without these things. I don’t smoke and don’t drink coffee at all and it doesn’t stand in my way of writing. Appearance doesn’t change my nature, and in my nature I am a writer.
Have you had close contact to other writers to get annoyed by their views?
RG Sanders said,
March 10, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Firstly, I listen to music whilst I wrote too
I have done it for years – I even hear certain tunes in my head when writing a scene.
Anyway, on the ‘contact with writers’ I have and have not. That is to say no professional ones, but enough aspiring ones and generally ‘casual’ writers to fill the ocean.
It’s not that their rules restrict you when you hear them, it’s more the fact that you’re no deaf, so whatever is said, you hear and sometimes you can’t help when it gets into your subconscious and starts wondering about things. I have always written the way /I/ want to write, no matter what. But from time to time, my psyche has questioned whether I should say this instead of that, write it this way instead of that – I see it akin to a Director trying to create his own vision when a studio is telling him to do this, and don’t do that.
In the end, I still end up writing my way. It might not sound like others’ writing, it may not read all easy and approachable, but it’s my way and it’s the only way I know how and, in the end, I have had people tell me they enjoy what I have written so I have no reason to change anything.
Just my opinion and experiences, but it does seem like there are those who write in a certain, pre-established way, and those who write exactly how they want too. I am in the second group, and that suits me just fine.
Nick Enlowe said,
March 10, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Hey that’s okay. I’m glad you’re being honest, packsister.
I hope this isn’t your internal editor telling you that your story isn’t good enough…
First of all, I guarantee what you are writing is not crappy!
Second, a question: Would it be easier if you stuck to closer to 250 words per day and aimed for quality instead of quantity? You are keeping a pretty exhausting pace here.
Part of the reason I made it 250 words or more is because, as you know, 250 words per day comes easy enough (can even be done in about 15-20 minutes if you’re pressed for time) and then you have the rest of the day to think about what you’ve written and edit it.
I hope you don’t drop out, but if you must, I totally understand. It’s been really fun having you so far
packsister said,
March 10, 2009 at 6:33 pm
@Nick
No, not the internal Editor, the external one, heh. Well, what I mean is not that I think my story crappy. I love the story and wouldn’t be writing it if I didn’t. But writing it so hurriedly without thinking about every scene as long as needed makes what I write now useless babbling.
ANd I don’t know if the amount of words has anything to do with it. I’m not writing that much, even though it looks like it. Usually I do write much more. It’s just a bit too soon to really get into the heavy page-ing.
And as a matter of fact I’ve been working on a scene in my mind today, so I can write it down, or write down as much as I’ve got prepared. So if I’m gonna drop out, it’s not today yet.
Isn’t today the second time you were going to do the “every 5 days check” on our all word counts?
Nick Enlowe said,
March 10, 2009 at 7:24 pm
yep! I’m just setting all the URLs on it, now. It should be up in about hummmm 5 minutes.
Novel Push Initiative: If I should fail… | Five Rings said,
March 10, 2009 at 7:31 pm
[...] her March 9th post, she gave a very understandable heartfelt account about how this isn’t how she usually works. At [...]
Nick Enlowe said,
March 10, 2009 at 7:43 pm
Okay, seven minutes.
RG Sanders said,
March 10, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Ten days already… how fast that went.
packsister said,
March 10, 2009 at 11:21 pm
True, unbelievably fast.